Experience with the Force 3
26 6 99
All around me, everything was like a vast desert. The earth that I had known was gone forever and still that state is there. It is not an arid desert, but a huge boundless land where the new crop, the new creation will gradually manifest. So there is no planning, no project, no writing, no birth or death. Gradually what has to manifest will manifest, effortlessly, spontaneously.
Then I started feeling as if a train was in my body, a huge powerful flow of divine felicity, too strong for my body. Then I sat at the organ. As I was playing I heard a sound as if a thousand organs were playing, filling up the whole world or universe. I had never heard anything like that in my life, so powerful, penetratingly ravishing, intolerable ecstasy. At the same time a thousand orchestras seemed to be playing. This music was filling the whole earth and sky, the whole creation. I myself never heard such powerful harmonious, intolerable Felicity. When I played , I was not playing, it was a tremendous power of harmony flowing through me, playing through me. All I can say, I do not know how I have survived. It was only by the grace of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo constantly present protecting me, so that I would not explode.
Now the body has slowly regained a stability, but even now at times that power suddenly invades the whole being. It is not a suffering, but a flow of unbearable currents of the supreme divine love and gratitude. Now I feel the body won’t break down, it is becoming more peaceful by the downpour of a pacifying force. But that power behind, of supreme harmony, is always there.
The Mother and Sri Aurobindo are the Supreme, who came down on the earth behind a thick veil, almost impenetrable of humanity. Now they are constantly present – there is nothing to worry about – the world is utterly Divine. Whatever shadows we see will disappear. Each one is the Divine Himself, not less. Absolute, no one else but the Divine, nothing to be done, just the Divine manifesting Himself in His utter Glory. There is still in my consciousness the awareness of our human life and society. It is an old habit and utter ignorance. Still the old world comes back from time to time, but it has no reality. There is only the Supreme Mother, Love, Delight. My soul, my whole body enters into a state of gratitude, utter self-giving. Now when I look around I do not see human being. Behind the thin veil stands the Splendor of the Supreme Glory. When I play music, it becomes a hundred times more intense. The body can hardly sleep, but now it will be stabilized, Peace is coming. It is not an ordinary Peace – but the Peace of the Himalayan Mountains, in order not to be blown out of existence. There is far more in that experience, far more, too long, too deep, too difficult to be expressed in words.
Om namo Bhagavate. Om Sri Aurobindo, Om Douce Mère.
Experiences with the Force 2
14 6 99
At night between 5 and 6 , a Power worked in the body as if hundreds of needles were being pushed into the body, extremely painful. I knew this Force when I was working in the library 1955 to 1962. When it came, my body would be in utter agony and often I felt like rolling on the ground. I was so afraid of it that I stopped concentrating on the Mother Divine. Not only that, when this Force came, it released elements hidden in the dark lower region of the being.
When this Force was working between 5 and 6 a.m., it wiped out all darkness forever. There was nothing but an ocean of Light and an intense powerful gratitude rose from my whole being to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. But it was too much for my little body – it gave the impression of being literally burnt inside, there was no pain but an unbearable pressure of Power . I saw and realised the tremendous Divine Presence, how everything was utterly Divine, each one, each being, each thing was That magnificent spiritual Reality, a living symbol of God, and I saw the same all the time.
Mother, please Mother give me a little more time, so that I can love You, adore You in all things and beings, because there is nothing else, no one else but the Supreme peaceful Mother. This state has become the very foundation of my consciousness. The love for the Mother has become the entire life. When the Power was coming down I cupped my eyes with my hands as the room was lighted above the head, as if there was a beautiful night sky with twinkling stars. Sometimes it seemed that they were falling into me.
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N .Guha Roy1999
Experiences with the Force
The body was flooded with felicity and delight. I entered into a world of absolute Presence of the Divine, His Love and Delight, extremely powerful.
The Force was working in the whole body as if it was burning. It subsided. The vision was overwhelming, it seemed as if the whole body had become a power generating dynamo, an extremely powerful vibration. The vibration seemed absolutely immobile. The Presence of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo filled the whole space. I could almost see Their physical Presence, huge most reassuring, as if all Their support was with me. It was a living body of bottomless, vast, most powerful Everything was silent, there was no sound anywhere.
The energy flowed, I couldn’t contain it. The whole body was like a powerful dynamo. I thought I would blow up, but gradually things subsided, energy was always there, Light, Light, everywhere. The Power sometimes receded, then came back, almost with an explosive violence. I felt as if all the cells were burnt out, but relieved. As if I have crossed the bar and been admitted in the supreme spiritual Reality, everything, everyone, anything in my mind became ravishingly Divine. The whole world, all the beings were only the Divine in His splendor. In that Light, intolerable ecstasy going through the body like a gigantic generator, the inner being has been crushed out of existence as if it has passed through a massive crushing machine, nothing is left of the personality, everything has been scattered into the infinity of God, into the vast boundless, vibrating ocean of Love, the Mother. There is nothing but the Mother and Sri Aurobindo, They are One Supreme Being, everywhere in everything, staggeringly powerful, devastating Presence.
1999 Niranjan Guha Roy